she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
