trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
