I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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