Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
