In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
