I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
