census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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