so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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