do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
