you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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