pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
