the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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