I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize