tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
