I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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