its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
