She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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