I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
