the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
