Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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