Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
