How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
