omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
In America we eat man semen.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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