I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
