so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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