You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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