im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
