I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize