Can Purell be used as lube?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
