My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I looked at my own cervix.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She's the barista slut.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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