I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize