I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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