oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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