i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
