You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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