i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
