Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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