you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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