Can i not drive my cunt home
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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