I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
