I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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