haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
