How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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