I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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