So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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