Nicole vs. Life
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
