I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize