You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize