soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
