Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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