Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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