She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize