this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You can't motorboat a personality
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
