...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
