Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
