U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
