No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
