I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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