Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
