Im at strip club and am horny
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize