so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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