i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
