Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
