I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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