I skipped work to stalk him.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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