Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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