fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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