tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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