day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We had to coat check the pizza.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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