That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
