SEEEEXXX PLEASE
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
