I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
cat food counts as protein by the way
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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