my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
