I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
