If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
