I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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