every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
