I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
