How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
