We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
