just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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