thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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