smell my finger.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
