chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
